All This Sh*t Just Happened

There is continued debate in the public school system about whether or not we should teach our children creationism in science class alongside evolution, which is already taught.

The scientists who say we shouldn't even bring up creationism in school maintain there is science to back up evolution, while creationism is solely based on faith.

When I was a kid I had a theory that scientists were smart. I am now rethinking that theory.

I ask the scientists to answer the question laid out in the title of this piece: Do you really think all this sh*t just happened? All the miracles in the world are because of happenstance? There was nothing and then all of a sudden there was something. That something led to a planet that could be inhabited by human beings with opposable thumbs!

The oceans, the Seven Natural Wonders of the World, the weather in Hawaii and Anna Kournakova's luscious ass are all just products of dumb luck.

Oh, what's that you say? It was the Big Bang?

According to the Big Bang theory, the universe emerged from an extremely dense and hot state. Since then, space itself has expanded with the passage of time, carrying the galaxies with it. The Big Bang is based on Hubble's Law: the statement in physical cosmology that the redshift in light coming from distant galaxies is proportional to their distance. The law was first formulated by Edwin Hubble and Milton Humason in 1929 after nearly a decade of observations. It is considered the first observational basis for the expanding space paradigm and today serves as one of the most often cited pieces of evidence in support of the Big Bang.

Oh, well then, I have changed my mind. Yes, that sounds like a perfectly reasonable explanation as to how the universe began.

You see people, that's how they get you! They say a bunch of confusing words that regular people can't understand and tell you because they are scientists, and their words are based on science, it is the truth.

Then when we say "God created the world in seven days and because Adam & Eve ate of the apple there is sin," they say, "prove it. Oh, you can't prove it, then we can't even bring it up in the classroom."

Then they reiterate their theory that the universe emerged from an extremely dense and hot state. Since then, space itself has expanded with the passage of time, carrying the galaxies with it. "Prove it," we say, only to hear them praddle on and on using scientific words that no one without a Phd can understand, and say, "There's your proof."

What! That's no proof, that's a lot of mumbo-jumbo is what that is.

Look, I'm a reasonable man, I'm not saying we should only teach creationism in school and say that it is fact, I'm just saying that telling our kids the world might have been created by an Intelligent Being is a little more appropriate than saying, "Look kids, all this sh*t just happened."