How Dare You Not Approve Failure!

This is the football equivalent of President Barack Obama attempting to convince congressional Republicans to vote for his stimulus package.

Coach: "We haven't scored a touchdown in a while. In order to boost our point total, I want you, my quarterback, to take the ball and run toward the opposite end zone."

Quarterback: "I don't think that will work."

Coach: "What are you saying? You don't want to score a touchdown!?"

Quarterback: "Of course I do, I just think your method of making that happen is flawed. How can I go along with something I don't think will work?"

Coach: "Because, I am in charge and you should automatically be agreeable to everything I propose. And if you don't agree with it, it means you want the team to fail!"

Quarterback: "No, I want the team to win, but running the wrong way won't help us do that."

Coach: "I stayed up all night devising my 'running the wrong way' strategy. Do you know how tired I am?"

Quarterback: "The fact that you worked hard on your plan doesn't mean it's the right strategy."

You read correctly, folks. During a speech to congressional Democrats, President Obama actually said one of the reasons the stimulus package should pass is because various leaders and their staffs worked long hours drafting it.

So if the Nazi architect that designed Auschwitz said, "You should embrace this camp where we kill innocent men, women and children because I stayed up all night giving Commandant Hoess' living quarters a homey feel," everyone in Poland should have hoped for its success?

In his speech, President Obama basically said that Republicans who oppose the massive spending bill (which won't stimulate the economy) want Americans to go without jobs, while voting for the measure means you not only want to put everyone to work, you also want America to create scientists and save lives! That's right, he said the stimulus package would create scientists and save lives.

I assume the scientists he's talking about are robot scientists, because I don't see how a bill meant to stimulate the current economy could transform people directly into scientists.

So if you support President Obama's stimulus package, you are diametrically opposed to the creation of robot scientists who can perform CPR.

Sorry, that's wrong.

If you don't support President Obama's stimulus package you are a racist who diametrically opposes the creation of robot scientists who can perform CPR.