I Can't Wait to Never Grow Up

Maybe I shouldn't be such a stickler when it comes to freedom.

Maybe it's good the government blesses me with the ability to perennially live as I did for the first seventeen-plus years of my life.

Sure, being a child had what we thought of as negatives. When we got in the car, we were forced to buckle up. We couldn't smoke or drink. We couldn't eat the foods we craved. Once we were of age to be granted a drivers license; it was out of our control as to which steering wheel we got behind.

But, when we needed some spending money, by turning on the charm, we could usually convince mommy and daddy we were deserving of a hand out.

Are you recalling your pre-teen years in order to relate to the above; or a week ago last Thursday?

You remember a week ago last Thursday... the evening on which you got into your environmentally friendly car and then started down the highway littered with billboards reminding you to, "Click it or ticket."

After you made it safely to your favorite restaurant, you requested a nice juicy steak - just the way you like it.

"The government deemed the way you like it detrimental to your health," the waiter responded to what was once considered an, "order," but, due to governmental intervention, is now merely considered a "suggestion."

"We can prepare it close to the exact way you'd like it," the waiter continued. "Of course we'd like to cook it just the way you like it, and obviously you'd like to eat it just the way you like it, but the law states that our likes and dislikes are irrelevant when it comes to the illegality of food preparation."

While waiting for the meal you'd somewhat enjoy, you noticed a couple of non-smoking signs that reminded you how much you were going to miss your usual post-meal cigar.

Used to be, when we left the nest at 18, we'd have to make it on our own. We had the freedom to sink or swim.

Now we can only float.

Looking back though, weren't those the wonder years? Among our only concerns were which pair of jeans we'd wear to school on Friday and at which hang-out we'd spend Saturday night.

Nowadays I'm too busy to put much thought into my wardrobe, and am always so tired from working all week that I'm asleep three hours before the time at which I used to depart the house on a typical Saturday night.

Wouldn't it be great to only worry about such trivial matters throughout our entire adulthood?

Not to mention retirement. The government takes our hard earned money when we're young and gives it back when we're old. The time spent deciding the best investment opportunities to meet our long term financial goals can instead be allocated to reading movie reviews so we're sure to escort our sweethearts to the moving pictures that most put them in the mood.

"As kids, we never had to make an appointment with the doctor, and now we do," you cynically remind me.

Not to fear; because as soon as Obama's healthcare plan is implemented, the government will tell us where and when to go for all our medical related needs. No more pressing 2 for the scheduling desk, making copies of our insurance card, etc.

Soon they'll be just like the days in which our mom said, "Be outside the school directly after the bell rings so I can pick you up and drive you to your appointment with Dr. Frasier at 4:00."

I'm not sure the healthcare bill mentions this specifically, but maybe one or two pages detail the number of ice cream scoops we'll receive after exhibiting the minimum amount of bravery required to visit terrifying doctors who, before Mr. Obama took office, needlessly amputated limbs and removed vital organs.

You can't really blame our Founding Fathers for irresponsibly granting us so much freedom; for they had the misfortune of living prior to the birth of the Great and Honorable Barack H. Obama. Had they access to his staggering intellect, the U.S. Constitution would have undoubtedly been peppered with catch phrases like, "social justice," and "spread the wealth."

Thankfully their short-sidedness has now been corrected and we will forever live without that pesky freedom which led to the United States of America being the only stain on an otherwise immaculate globe.