I was recently watching Heavy on A&E. For those of you unfamiliar, it's a reality program about people desperate to shed pounds. In order to lose the weight, these dangerously obese individuals are taken to an exotic beachfront location for six months where a waifish staff tells them what to eat, when to eat, which exercises to perform and for how long. Every day is dictated by people who know better.
To liberals, this fancy fat farm is a mini-version of the ideal America.
It's impossible to retain a job while residing at the fat farm, therefore Heavy producers pay for the entire adventure. In other words, everything is taken care of and attendees have no real responsibilities other than to follow orders.
I will now detail how officials of the U.S. Government are like executives at a fat farm. Thankfully Americans are not yet required to abide by every word written on a .gov website, but our options will soon go from vast to two: comply or be punished.
Fat farm: The powers-that-be instruct every resident when to rise-and-shine.
America: The CDC.gov website says adults need 7-9 hours of sleep. Michelle Obama's "Let's Move" website says, "Most children under age five need to sleep for 11 hours or more per day, children age five to 10 need 10 hours of sleep or more per day, and children over age 10 need at least nine hours per day."
Fat farm: attendees are told what to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
America: The CDC.gov website says adult males need 56 grams of protein per day and conveniently point out that 3 1/2 cups of dry beans will do the trick; so eat up America. The Dietary Guidelines for Americans, which can be downloaded from the website run by the Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion, is a whopping 112 pages long!
Fat Farm: An experienced trainer is provided to all residents. This fitness guru sets their daily exercise routine and corrects any movements made in error.
America: Michelle Obama's "Let's Move" website says sitting still during commercial breaks should be forbidden in every household, and a walk around the block after each meal should be mandatory.
The bottom line is that you can literally find advice on how to complete every daily action "the government way," on a website run by President Obama and his cronies. We've already discussed how much sleep you need, which covers waking up. The CDC website has a large section on proper oral care for your morning trip to the bathroom. I'm not going to research whether or not the government offers tips on how to perform other bathroom activities for fear Mrs. Obama has taken the lead. Her mountains of unsolicited advice already make her face difficult to stomach. I'm sure the aforementioned 112-page Dietary Guidelines for Americans will help you select a suitable breakfast. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and Environmental Protection Agency will instruct you how to safely drive to work while limiting your contribution to climate change. The EPA, for example, suggests you, "Unload unnecessary items in your trunk to reduce weight. If you have a removable roof rack and you are not using it, take it off to improve your fuel economy by as much as 5 percent." Please keep in mind however that the EPA also suggests you completely ditch your car in favor of public transportation or a bicycle. Should you choose the public transportation route, the Department of Transportation can suggest the best bus or train in your area. President and Mrs. Obama both insist working for the government is a "higher calling," so that covers the middle-third of your day. In order to comply with the CDC and Michelle Obama, a trip to the gym should follow work. As with breakfast, reading material provided by the government will help you select a suitable dinner. After all, if combined into one book, the length of governmental writings on nutritional standards make Atlas Shrugged look like a leaflet on famous Jewish sports legends. For your brief post dinner enjoyment, the U.S. Congress makes sure every television program you view with your family has been rated based on content and Mrs. Obama's "Let's Move" website says gazing at the idiot box should be limited, i.e., you and your ankle-biters should watch five-minutes of Hannah Montana and like it. After putting the plate, off which your clan ate celery in accordance with regulations set by the CDC, The Center for Nutritional Policy and Promotion, in the dishwasher, you hit the sack, eager to get up and start a brand new day of borrowing Mrs. Obama's brain.
"Life is just like everybody else's," is the new, "Life is good."
For those of you who would present it; the argument, "Government websites provide useful information only for those who choose to use it," would only contain merit if leftists refrained from constantly attempting to make mandatory what the government now simply suggests.
If you care to make the dreams of the liberal come true by having the government plan your every hour, I'm sure the overpaid bureaucrats at the Division of Nutrition, Physical Activity and Obesity in concert with the CDC, in concert with the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, in concert with the DOT, in concert with the White House, et al. would be happy to send you a daily itinerary.
Gotta go: it's almost midnight and I must be awake at 7:00 a.m. I want to get accustomed to a routine so my system isn't shocked once Emperor Obama begins automatically shutting off lights at a certain hour in hopes both citizens of the United States and Mother Earth have brighter futures.
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