Since there are no words I love to hear more than, "This is what I think you should do," I'm going to tell the Democrats what I would do to improve their political party.
Actually, because liberals are calling themselves Republicans nowadays, I'm going to switch parties, but still hold onto my strong conservative beliefs.
Sure a Democrat won the last Presidential election and we control the U.S. Congress, but that's only because the economy tanked during the 2008 race and Americans are still squeamish when it comes to defending our freedom.
I hate to say it, but, despite the great and powerful President Obama occupying the White House, the economy isn't exactly getting any better. And we Democrats can't blame that rotten George W. Bush too much longer, now can we?
That means those nasty Republicans are due for a big victory in the 2010 election unless we make some tough choices.
Since former Secretary of State Colin Powell (one of the liberal Republicans I earlier mentioned) can advise the GOP, I think I am well within my rights, as a now proud Democrat, to advise the party I have loved so dearly for going on five minutes now! Does anyone know where the 2012 Democratic National Convention is being held, I need to do some negotiating on Priceline!
This is what we Democrats should do: become more conservative. Push for lower taxes, encourage the CIA to cut off the fingers and toes of suspected terrorists, vehemently argue against gay marriage, and push for an increase in secret wiretapping of all Americans. Oh, and let's call for a massive expansion of the Guantanamo Bay prison! We could add luxury boxes where large party donors would sit and watch the terrorists as they are being brutally tortured!
What's that you ask? Why should you start pushing for all of those things when you don't believe they are moral?
Then why are liberals, like the aforementioned Colin Powell, advising Republicans they need to include liberals in the Republican Party?
Funny how liberals think the best way to solve America's problems is by having two political parties full of liberals.
But, now that I'm a Democrat and we're going to start inviting conservatives into our party, both political parties will be an equal mix of conservatives and liberals!
That way, people will stop voting for candidates simply because of the letter next to their name and start voting for candidates based on their qualifications, experience and political viewpoints.
Hopefully, with this new system in place, the next President won't be a community organizer who is friendly with domestic terrorists, as well as a person who will have been to at least a few church services where America wasn't being cursed while he or she nodded along, occasionally adding a well timed, "Amen."
Vote Democrat!
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