Why Would Conservatives Move to the Center?

Whenever a member of the elite media interviews a conservative, they usually ask why the right-wing hate monger can't move their political viewpoints toward the center.

Conservatives understand that left-wing policies damage the country. Therefore, by moving toward the center, they would be agreeing to only partially damage the country in exchange for meaningless political harmony.

Let's say Democrats proposed each citizen be punched in the face five times per year, but conservatives rightly objected, saying we should never slug an American in the face for any reason. Then the Democrats say, "Okay, our desire is to punch people in the face five times per year while conservatives favor a policy that calls for the faces of our citizenry to remain unscathed; how about we compromise and punch everyone in the face thrice yearly." Unless Republicans agree to this revised proposal, they're labeled as the party of "No."

"All they do is say no to face punching. They're even trying to scare the American people into believing that the absorption of multiple fists to the face will produce pain and suffering," the MSNBC anchor declares with outrage.

Because Democrats now wield an exorbitant amount of power, the Republican Party is usually labeled as the party of "no" despite the fact that Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and President Obama refuse to even negotiate with them.

Of course they'll pretend to strive for bipartisanship by throwing out bogus compromises that fail to address fundamental problems.

"Republicans favor no punches to the faces of the American people. We Democrats favor no less than five right or left crosses to the jaw of every citizen," Nancy Pelosi says while stumping for the 3,000 page Face-Alteration Benefiting the Future of America bill. "So how about we compromise by punching everyone in the face five times and then dabbing the resulting wounds with an adequate amount of taxpayer provided hydrogen peroxide?"

At the "face-punching" roundtable, hosted by President Barack Obama, he proudly declares his intention to appoint a bipartisan commission to study the potential benefit of applying gauze to any cuts resulting from the implementation of his controversial proposal.

So the next time you hear a member of the elite media admonish conservatives for their refusal to agree with everything proposed by President Obama, remember that it's your face they're trying to keep pretty.

And while the face-punching legislation analogy is a little far-fetched, such a bill would do far less damage than Obama's healthcare "triumph", which will undoubtedly lead to millions and millions of Americans being denied treatment by the same government sworn to protect their liberty.

I know I wouldn't be the only one standing in line to take my share of punches to the face if it meant recently-passed Obama-care would never see the light of day.