Siding with Celebrities

What decisions in life would you trust with a celebrity?

Without hesitation, would you allow them to decide the best way to raise your child? Or would you tend to shun their parental advice?

Celebrities enjoy getting drunk. Celebrities enjoy exposing their crotches. Celebrities enjoy letting their nipples slip with the express purpose of increasing ticket sales the night their movie premiers on both coasts.

Because they view him as an artistic genius, most celebrities think it abhorrent that authorities wish to punish Roman Polanski for sexually assaulting a child. It's a good thing for children everywhere that most molesters are jailed for their crimes, regardless of the aptitude they've shown for performing vocational related duties.

I've never seen footage of Martin Scorsese pleading for the release of his world renowned gardener who moonlights as a pedophile. "Had you seen the likeness of me he carved into our shrubs you too would fight for his right to molest anyone that catches his fancy," the acclaimed director has never said while pounding his fist on a podium at the Beverly Hilton.

There are conservatives throughout the country that have as much artistic talent as the hottest liberal star, but instead of dedicating their life to entertaining the masses, they've chosen to produce goods of value. They've chosen to enhance the lives of their fellow citizen, not with two hours of mindless escape, but with products that improve mankind's ability to function.

The invention of the cotton gin was much more beneficial to humanity than was the 2010 release of Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.

But, because those who wear shirts made of cotton don't have a picture of Eli Whitney as their desktop wallpaper; many would rather hear the political ranting of uber-dreamy thespian Shia Labeouf.

Nobody would say, "Unless citizens begin emulating celebrities in their daily lives, America will never again be great."

No parent would say, "Unless my daughter begins behaving more like a pop starlet I will ship her off to boarding school so fast her head will spin. I am sick to death of her failure to smash up a single SUV with an umbrella in between rehab stints!"

Yet, when it comes to politics, it's a badge of honor that liberals share the philosophy of those whose mug shots have made millions of dollars for The Smoking Gun.