Admit You Submit

Matthew Perry recently slammed moderate TV personality Bill O'Reilly for failing to be humble in the presence of President Barack Obama.

I'm actually glad the former Friends star said this, because at least he's mature enough to admit he's a submissive man. Were Mr. Perry to enter a room in which President Obama stood, I'm quite certain the actor would immediately bow down to the Commander in Chief just as Mr. Obama bows to dictators whose power he craves.

Why can't all you liberals admit you submit?

When Mrs. Obama tells you what to eat, admit you put down your fork and abide. "Those fries are too fatty!" she insists. Admit you respond, "You're right First Lady, my waistline cannot afford another French fried potato drenched in salt. Please tell me what I can consume or else I'll starve to death screaming, 'Why won't she tell me what to put in my mouth!'."

Admit you hate making decisions that impact your own life.

Admit you're so ignorant regarding money matters that you deem anyone suggesting you personally handle the investing of your salary "evil".

We conservatives understand there will be differences of opinion, but we strenuously object to liberals fibbing for the express purpose of convincing the ignorant masses that they're not trying to control the entire population.

You often hear President Obama and Vice President Biden claim to be proponents of freedom, yet, for the first time in her history, citizens of the United States will soon be forced to purchase a product.

They can't have it both ways.

If everyone in America was a conservative, would ObamaCare be required, or would the country be full of individuals with either insurance or the financial means to pay for their treatment in full?

The Republican National Convention is wall-to-wall folks with ability to fend for themselves. The Democrat National Convention is full of whiners who cry out, "Pass legislation that allows me to scratch health care from my list of complicated issues with which I must concern myself. Though I am able bodied, please make it possible for me live the life of a helpless invalid. Seriously, how about a bill that mandates the mailman actually place Netflix rental's in my DVD player."

Why can't you liberals just admit you want to be average in every way? You want to spend a maximum of eight hours per weekday at work, then go home and watch mindless television until it's beddy-bye time. This is all you want out of life and freedom makes it impossible for you to proceed through such a vapid existence without worry. With liberty, you still have to pay for retirement and your own healthcare. "Take away everyone's freedom to prosper so I have comfort in knowing my laziness will never land me in the poor house."

If that means you're told what to eat and how many jumping jacks to perform nightly, you'll happily defile your face with the official White House wheat germ after working out with intensity typically displayed by the Reverend Jeremiah Wright after he's dreamed up yet another way America has kept him down.

Just admit it, that's all I ask. Admit your ballot was cast for Barack Obama on November 4, 2008 so you could turn off your brain come January 20, 2009. You voted for him so future visits to the doctor wouldn't include the removing of your insurance card, driver's license and co-pay from your wallet and then presenting these items to the nurse/receptionist. You voted for Mr. Obama so you could walk into the office of any doctor and say, "ObamaCare".

Admit you attempt to shame people into believing this big bad world is too complex for conservatism. "Championing freedom and limited government isn't sufficient; we need complex solutions to complex problems," you say, hoping to force individuals to cheerfully give up their freedom for fear they'll otherwise be labeled stupid.

You liberals probably think your attempts at helping the masses are heroic, but how often do Herculean motion picture protagonists shout, "I will put down my weapons and wait for an elected official to get me out of this seemingly unsolvable circumstance!"